i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
