you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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