omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
