you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
