2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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