Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
