are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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