The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I take back everything I said about communal showers
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
