I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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