Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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