let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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