I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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