I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
