you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
