I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
