Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
