wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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