everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
