the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
