Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Randomize