She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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