I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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