remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize