thus making me awesome and them whores
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
