Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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