We named our party play list daddy issues
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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