Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I love you.
Bad choice
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