New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
