I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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