The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Can't talk, ducks in the car
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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