She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
