nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
