You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
