One girl and one boy is just not enough.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
