I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
