Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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