does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
