Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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