Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize