Don't make out with my wife yet
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
