If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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