Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
