So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
