mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
