The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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