lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Randomize
