the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
