i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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