I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
