I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
