I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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