I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
