only you would photoshop your dick
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
