Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Randomize
