Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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