why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
