Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
