someone get that fucking seahorse.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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