so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
