allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
