i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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