Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
