I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
