im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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