1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize