Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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