I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
